Some losses divide our lives into a before and an after.
When we think about grief, we usually associate it with the death of someone we love. But grief can also appear after a separation, a move, migration, losing a job, living through illness, or leaving behind a stage of life that meant a great deal to us.
Grief appears when something important changes and we need to adapt to a reality we did not choose.
And that can take time.
There is no correct way to grieve
Sometimes we cry. At other times we feel anger, guilt, relief, emptiness, or simply nothing.
We may feel relatively well for several days and then be deeply affected by something small: a song, a photograph, a place, or a date.
This does not mean we are going backwards.
Grief is not linear and it does not follow a timetable.
Nor do we need to feel in a particular way to prove that what we lost was important.
Moving forward does not mean leaving behind
One of the ideas that can hurt most during grief is thinking that we have to “get over it”.
But perhaps living after a loss is not about stopping missing what was lost or becoming exactly who we were before.
It is about learning to make space for what happened within a life that continues.
We can remember and keep moving forward.
We can feel sadness and also begin to enjoy life again.
We can miss a previous life and, little by little, begin to build something new.
We do not have to choose between honouring what we lost and allowing ourselves to live what we still have.
When we also lose part of ourselves
Some losses change more than our circumstances. They change our identity.
This can happen when we migrate, end a relationship, change profession, become a parent, or go through an illness.
Suddenly we may ask ourselves:
Who am I now?
What part of my life do I want to keep?
How do I want to build what comes next?
These questions do not need immediate answers.
Sometimes they are part of the process of adapting.
When can therapy help?
Therapy does not try to hurry grief or make what we feel disappear.
It can offer a space to understand difficult emotions, process important changes and find a way to integrate what happened while rebuilding our lives.
You do not need to arrive knowing exactly what you need.
We can begin from where you are.
Grief also tells us something about what mattered
Part of healing can involve moving away from asking “When will I get over this?” and beginning to ask: “How do I want to live with this, now that it forms part of my story?”
Some losses do not disappear, but our relationship with them can change, allowing us to keep moving forward and growing in our lives.
This educational information does not replace an individual psychological or medical assessment. If you are concerned about your mental or physical health, seek guidance from a suitably qualified professional.